You want to talk to me on the airplane

Great you’re being friendly, getting out of your shell, but that doesn’t mean I want to talk to you. There is a chick on your other side. Talk to her. Unless you are an attractive member of the opposite sex I want nothing to do with you. I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR SONS BASKETBALL SCHOLARSHIP TO MIZZOU.

Corollary- sharing the armrest. Now I am not one to assert my dominance over an arm rest on an airplane but do not take over the whole damn thing. Really all I need is an itty bitty corner so my elbow doesn’t poke into my side. This is not king of the mountain. I see you squirming because you have to pee but you refuse to give up “the rest.” GOOD. SQUIRM. I have the bladder of an elephant. Or some other very large mammal.

Tsunamis

Why you gotta roll over a whole country like that?

New friend?

Yo, I just met you a week ago, you’re cool we share interests but you gotta chill out. Settle into it slowly…. You might suffocate me otherwise.

F. Middle and Last

What is up with people who use their full middle and last names but initial their first? I don't think it would bother me if they used just first initial and full last name; or even first and middle initial.
Examples of acceptable...
Ego Fatuus
E. Fatuus
E. G. Fatuus
Ego G. Fatuus
Ego Grandem Fatuus

NOT ACCEPTABLE
E. Grandem Fatuus

What's going to happen if you let the world know your first name? Is it embarrassing? I have an embarrassing first name and I would rather people know it than think of what an ass I must be to demand to be called by my first initial. GET OVE YOURSELF.

Tattos

I know I am going to catch a lot of flack for this. But yeah... Tattoos... you look like an idiot. Especially tattoos on your face. Thats just crying for attention. Is there really anything you want everyone to know before you even say hello? Really anything that you couldn't just ... um ... say?

Old soul

People who say they have an old soul annoy me not because its an overused/ poorly understood phrase but because they use it as an excuse for questionable and bizarre behavior. Don't try to pawn off your weirdness as "wisdom."

AC

Don't get me wrong. I love AC; necessary for those hot muggy days where you can cut the air with a knife. Or those days you can't sit in your car without being baked alive. Absolute necessity. But I don't like those people who turn up their AC as soon as they stop using their heat. Why is the earth so inhospitable that it couldn't possible create a comfortable or sustainable home for its inhabitants? When can clean air enter their home? How much dust, dirt and debris are you forcing yourself and your family to inhale? Especially with children, what are the chances of asthma and other infections increasing? (I would like to know these numbers... I know it at least doubles) This more than annoys me- it saddens me. Embrace your fucking inner hippie and open a fucking window. I'm not saying you have to move into a yurt and eat only Yak's milk and lentils but try passive cooling systems? I have only used my AC three times this year and we've had temps over 100. Not that I am some shining example of environmentalism. I fly around the world frequently and my car gets 25 mpg. Okay this is serious ramble territory. Bah. Stop wasting electricity and fossil fuels. I'm done. I swear.